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2025-07-04.
Somewhat stil early morning, sunshine hunting and thinking: you have to know what happened to your heart.
2025-06-20.
T. laughs when they say I really haven't updated this in a long time. (I'm taking their "lmao" for genuine speech-to-text.) I'm just really tired and I'm not taking my drugs regularly. If I take them regularly and I actually get better, than that'd mean I'm actually disabled, and I don't want to have to deal with that. Been listening a lot to Samia's "Bloodless" - F. was right, as usual.
2025-04-17.
At FU, thinking: I fucking hate this place. I hate how it makes me feel.
2025-04-16.
I have been randomly (YouTube music sugguestions) listening a lot to I Am Easy To Find, the album, again. It was part of the soundtrack of the first lockdown and it's strange to find it here, in another life, and to notice how well I remember it, how uniquely its maximalist/minimalist sound fits these days.
2025-04-12.
Weekend again. Nice to feel considered by the doctor and not have to fight for it. Took a stroll around the market in Winterfeld Platz; I had forgotten it was going to take place. There were a lot of people out. I drank an espresso at a stall that advertised real Italian coffee. I was expecting to see an Italian person behind the machine, but when I called, I found an older German woman who couldn't look more German. She had grey hair and a very nice, elegant face. I got my espresso. I looked at it. When I saw the cream on top of it (is that even the right word?), I left 50c as tip. I ate a pastel de nata. All along I was talking with F. on the phone and wishing he were there. I'm home now, working on the website, trying to make it uploadable.
2025-04-02.
Had my hair cut, didn't tell anyone.
2025-03-27.
A lot of organisation work, because I was tired of not working. F's translation. Going to the Penny close to Neukolln which re-opened a few weeks ago with K. Before, Treptower Park with E, the letter, the closing of that time which re-opens itself, the circle which doesn't end, like stitching through the same hole, the same needle. Re-working Intervals. I wrote it almost two years ago. Was it my first submission? I think it was. My English has changed a lot. My language has. But that was still me, it is still I. Curious to see where it goes, if I can find something new in it.
2025-03-14.
Den lilla katten gå och öppna dörren.
2025-02-21.
Sudden rush of excitement at the prospect of being able to sleep in my little bed tonight.
2025-01-16
Finished writing Disciplina yesterday. It'd be really cool if it were published with Jonah's submission, but that's dreaming a lot ahead. As with Xenia, I feel like there's a 50/50 chance that the magazine accepts it. When I was over at J and M's I felt the text was very rough, though I still liked it, though it was probably also a result of comparing it with J's when he read it out loud. I went back to K afterwards and I did half an hour of edits on it before Damia class (which also made me really happy) and two hours after. I ended up being very happy with it - either all of the roughness had turned into its own thing which could speak for itself or I was too tired to try and make any substantial changes. I feel, as with Xenia, that there's more that I could get out of this text, if I were to spend time with it. But if either of them were accepted, I'm sure I could do that during the final editing, as I did with Fantasi om a house. It feels very good to be two weeks into 2025 and already have a new text, a first submission. It's setting the year up in a very satisfying way. I am happy.
2025-01-11
I'm not writing today and tomorrow. But I'm having a lot of fun with making this website. Being out of the room, out with friends. It's a good thing and it's worth saying. You also gotta start somewhere and this looks like a good place.